One
of the things that cause arguments, disagreements and disaffection the most in
families is money (or the lack of it as the case may be and in some cases, the
abundance of it).
To
start with, let me state unequivocally that there are no hard and fast rules
that guide how each or all families should manage their finances. What works in
one family may not work in another.
It
must also be said that the more money there is, the more the family can do. And
from what I know personally, I can say the more the love EXPRESSED and
EXPERIENCED. I believe you know who does the expressing of love when there is
abundance of money to “THROW” around. #Winks
Be
that as it may, let me state indisputably that this is not an attempt to tell
couples “how” to manage their finances. It is only to show us that we can help
each other and achieve more together if we imbibe basic tenets of understanding
and cooperation. Hence, this is premised on simple consideration of present
economic realities that the world is in, especially Nigeria and to also help
entrench the Bible admonition of “The two
shall become one flesh…”
Let
us look at different family financial position scenarios:
i. Husband works.
Wife works. Husband makes enough money to meet all the family needs irrespective
of what the wife earns. It is none of his business what she does with her
money. (This is what most women like. #Winks)
ii. Husband works.
Wife works. Husband’s earning is not enough to meet all family needs. He
requires wife to support. Some women find it difficult to agree with this. Such
women believe it is the man’s responsibility to provide for the house and they
quote scripture (A man who cannot provide for his household… bla bla bla…).
Some agree, but are always lending the husband money. Anything they do for the
family is seen as loan to the husband. Not as contribution to meet family needs.
So the husband is always indebted to them.
iii.
Husband works.
Wife works. Wife earns more than the husband. Yet she still does not think she
should contribute to meet family needs. As far as she is concerned her money is
her money. (And women generally hold this view)
iv.
Husband works.
Wife does not work. His income is enough to meet all family needs and he
doesn’t complain. No problem.
v. Husband works.
Wife does/does not work. His income is not enough to meet all family needs. He
is always borrowing to survive and keep family going. Wife who works still does
not feel obliged to support and contribute. To her, if he can die, let him die,
he ‘sha’ must provide for the house. She knows the true situation of the man’s
finances. Sometimes the reason he does not have enough is because salaries of
up to 4 or 5 months are owed or business at this time is not moving, not
because he is irresponsible. Not because he is not working and doing enough. It
is just situation and circumstance. But the wife still is adamant and always
giving him hell. Women here also hold the view that their money is their money
and they can do anything with it.
vi.
Wife works.
Husband does not work. Wife takes care of the family needs. She does not use
that to disrespect him. No third party is aware of the situation. (Although
this is not common, yet we must admit that it does exist).
vii. Wife works.
Husband does not work. She takes care of family needs, but she is always
drumming it in his ears. Always telling him how he is useless as a man. The
whole neighbours know that the man is depending on her. (This is not holding
forth for lazy men. Just looking at the fact that there are times that
situations may come up that may prevent a man from being able to earn an income
for a season). This is not a situation any reasonable man would wish for.
We
could go on and on with different scenarios…
What
is the situation in your own family?
Let
me burst your bubble. If you are a woman reading this and you are not in sync
with your husband financially, especially if you are the type that believes the
man is the one that must carry all the financial weight of the family/home, you
are in error - a big error of commission!
How
do I mean?
Have
you ever come across the scripture or heard at least during a wedding ceremony,
the scripture that says “And the two
shall become one flesh…?” (Gen. 2:24, Mark 10:8). I
bet you have.
Now
let me ask you, what does it mean for ‘The two’ to become one flesh?
Are
there areas of their lives where ‘The two’ can become one flesh and other areas
where even God Himself does not intend for ‘The two’ to be one flesh?
Think
about it.
I
perceive that majority of people have erroneously concluded (And I also think
somehow that is what people have been taught) that to become one flesh is ONLY
in the area of SEX. ERROR!
And
by extension, some choose other areas where they can be one flesh with their
spouses and ignore other areas if it does not sooth or favour them.
Such
it is when it comes to money. For most people, they don’t mind to be ‘ONE FLESH’
with you (the spouse) in any area of life and relationship, but when it comes
to money it is a different ball game altogether. MONEY is truly a spirit.
Women
are most culpable in this regard. Why did I assert so? Because they are the
ones who will often say, “My money is my
money and it is mine to keep, but your money (referring to the husband) is OUR
money it is to be spent.”
This
is the devil operating.
That
is why no matter how much a woman has (admittedly, not all of them); she is
always saying she does not have money even when the husband is choked to his
neck under financial pressure.
But
the truth is the economic realities of today do not and cannot allow women to
continue to hold on to their position of my money is my money and your money is
our money mentality and men must do everything at home. Times are changing. The
paradigm has changed.
Take
for example, a man who has been earning N100,000 for the past five years in a
country like Nigeria. The truth is that that man is in deep trouble, because
that money can no longer be used to meet the same level of needs it was meeting
five years ago. It is simple mathematics. But you have women who just refuse to
understand this.
Yes,
I must say that men can no longer depend on only a single source of income
whether as a businessman or salary earner, but while he’s working his butts off
and doing his best, women should understand and contribute.
Many
men are running away from home because of pressure. Some just withdraw into
depression, while some others resort to putting their hands into what they are
not supposed to – all sorts of vices just to be able to earn the respect of the
women in their lives.
In
the final analysis, my personal plea to any woman reading this is simple.
Please note that men are groaning under so much pressure already trying to be
men. The only thing we can ask of you is your understanding and cooperation;
your unalloyed support. Please where you can make contribution kindly do so.
I
admonish you as a woman to please become one flesh indeed with your man. This
must include finances. I do not think God exempted money from the equation when
He said, “And the two shall become one flesh…”
To
your marital and family success…
Abiodun Mabadeje (MSA)
Speaker/Author, Actor/Acting
Instructor, Counselor/Minister, M.C, Publisher...
Facebook
Page: https://www.facebook.com/Abiodunmsa/
E-mail:
abiodun.mabadeje@gmail.com 
Nice write-up my bro
ReplyDelete