Thursday, February 13, 2020

THE MONSTER


There are so many problems and vices bedeviling us as a people and nation.


It has been noted that one of our main challenges as an independent nation is the fact that we have not had leaders who are sincere and sacrificial at the saddle as a nation; leaders who are first for and about the people before they are for themselves. 

Rather, we have consistently had and still do leaders who think only of the largesse of the office; leaders who in actual fact are not leaders but rulers, dealers and in most cases, stealers. 

They are people with an entitlement mentality. They believe it is their right to use their position and authority of the office they occupy to oppress and suppress the people they lead. That is why someone who occupies a particular office can divert the money meant for developmental ventures of the society to his private account and get away with it. CORRUPTION!

But that is not the only problem we have as a people.

There is also the problem of 'followership' or should I say, the problem of the followers?

As it is with the leaders, so it is with the followers. 

We are a 'rights-wanting-people', but not a 'responsibilities-driven-people'. We have a mentality of take and grab without any desire to give. And the law of life is, "Give and it shall be given unto you." But majority of us as a people are about taking and getting without first willing to give.

It is this kind of mentality that has become the monster destroying most of our homes and marriages. 

You have people who go into marriage believing that they are there for all they can get. In fact they believe it is their right only to go and get and not to give.

Both men and women are guilty of this. It is however more prevalent among women. It is women who mostly believe that they are in 'the marriage' only to be served and serviced. They are there for their husbands to meet all their needs and in most cases are not willing and ready to support in meeting the needs at home. 

Many women will tell you, "My money is my money, but your money is our money." This is the kind of mentality the devil has been using to destroy many homes.

Many women are nothing but liabilities on their husbands. They are leaches - parasites. 

It is time we changed this attitude as a people if we desire change in our homes and nation.

Everyone must learn to give and not only to take.

Bible encourages and says, "Can two walk together, except they agree?" In another place it says, "One shall put to flight one thousand, and two shall put to flight ten thousand." 

Bottom line, we must cooperate, collaborate, synergize, and work together to achieve our dreams and desires. "Two heads are better than one." Always!

It is time to kill this MONSTER before it kills us.

May we succeed.

May our marriages succeed.

May our nation succeed. 

#Family
#Nation

#Abbeylosophy

© @AbiodunMabadeje

Tuesday, December 11, 2018

HE DOESN'T LOVE ME ANYMORE

The bond of love between Tracy and Chuks was so strong in the early stages of their marriage.

Not too long after their marriage, Tracy began to show traces of disrespect for Chuks. Chuks found this behaviour from his wife very strange. Unknown to him she had started listening to wrong counsel from her friends and was acting out the script. All this because Chuks was not in a financial position that could fund the lifestyle Tracy had dreamt of having after marriage…

The mistake many people make is to think that tough times last forever…
…………………………………………………………………………………………….

Sometimes, the fire of love burns out and its cord gets broken and once very affectionate lovebirds gradually grow apart and in some cases, they go apart.

You claim he doesn't have your time anymore; you say now that he has money he comes home late and goes after other women after you suffered with him when he didn't have anything. As far as you are concerned he no longer loves you.

You see, the question is not about suffering with him, it’s about HOW you suffered with him.

How did you treat him when he didn't have money? Did you respect him? Did you accord him the regard and honour a husband deserves though he may not have money? Or did you treat him like nobody and talk trash at him? Before he said one, you had said ten. You stood up to him. You told him you have equal rights in the house. If you asked him for money and he couldn’t provide it as at when you needed it, then he was not a man, irrespective of whatever he did the day before.

Madam, HOW did you suffer with him?

Maybe you didn't realise that while you treated him with disdain because he couldn't match up with your expectations (which in most cases are always based on trying to keep up with the Joneses, wanting to do what your friends or neighbours are doing, and greed and lack of contentment), you were sowing seeds and sending messages to him.

You were simply saying you don't love him, it is money you love and want. And this was so glaring to him because anytime he was able to make money available was when you cuddled up to him. And that was the only time he was allowed to touch you in any way a husband could touch his wife.

But the irony is that now that he has money, the seeds you sowed are beginning to germinate and are even bearing fruits.

I must say this is not a blanket message, but he that has an ear, let him/her hear...

Women must understand that all men cannot operate at the same financial level. Women must understand that the dynamics of the economic realities of today are far from what it used to be and the rules of engagement must change. Women must accept that in today's world, it is wickedness to expect only the man to bear all the financial responsibilities, especially where the woman also works and earns income.

In the final analysis, I will say, let every family work out their own salvation with fear and trembling so that we will all have peaceful homes.

#TheyTwoShallBecomeOne

#Abbeylosophy  

Abiodun Mabadeje


Friday, July 13, 2018

WAR ZONE – The Family Angle


War as has been seen through the annals of history is not what any sane human being desires to see, wishes to have or prays to experience.

The aftermaths of war are usually devastating with a lot of casualties.
Almost every nation on earth (if not all) at one time or the other have had to swallow the bitter pills that engaging in wars have had to deal. 

Some nations come out of it stronger and better with of course a lot of commitment to see their fortunes turned around, but some other nations, especially on the African continent have not been able to do so and some will never be able to do so.

War in whatever form, size or shape is neither palatable nor desirable.

But think with me for a moment.

Imagine when our families now become WAR ZONES?

In recent times, families have been under siege from all forms of attacks. Some say these attacks are spiritual, while some others think they are just mere responses to natural dealings of man – man’s inhumanity to man you might say.

Wars within the family settings have degenerated to abysmal levels of husbands killings their wives and wives also snuffing life out of their husbands and they do this in the most dehumanizing way. Some cut off the genitals of their partners after killing them. Absolutely insane you’ll agree.

But how did we get here? What is going on? How can this tide be stem? How can the sanctity of life be restored to our families? What should be done to bring back love between husbands and their wives? 

These are nagging questions begging for answers as soon as possible before the whole family setting goes up in total flames.

Let me try and proffer a point or two that might help.

Why did you marry your partner? 

What did you see in him or her that made you say “I do”?

What were your expectations for that marriage (or relationship) in the first place?

How were you expecting them to be fulfilled?

All these expectations you have, do you think there fulfillment is the sole responsibility of your partner? (At least in the majority women mostly have tendency to think in this manner).

But what role do you think is yours in order to accomplish these expectations and achieve success in your marriage?

Where did it all start to go southward in your marriage? Can you trace it?
What role did you play in the southward trend? 

If your marriage/relationship is experiencing any discomfort at this moment, who is responsible?

Can this ugly trend be reversed?

How can it be reversed?

What can you do to reverse it if it is solely your responsibility to do so?

What is most important to you in this marriage, its success or failure?

That evil thought in your mind against your partner, why are you nursing it? 

Are you aware that if you went ahead to carry it out, even your own life can never remain the same again and it could be really devastating for you? You could go to jail.

If you have children, have you thought about the effects of this rampaging war on them economically, socially and even spiritually?

Why make your HOME A WAR ZONE when it can be a ZONE for PEACE?

Okay, enough of the questions.

What steps in the immediate can you take to begin the process of healing and reconciliation? (Alright, I know that is another question).

Have you thought of talking to a counselor or your spiritual mentor? (I thought I was about coming up with solutions? But these make sense now?)

Look at this one, will apologizing to your partner be an icebreaker, even if you are not the one at fault? (I know this is difficult for many people to do).

Enough!

We don’t want to hear another story of death or any such bad news again, at least not from your family after reading through this.

I challenge you to do all within your capacity to ensure the success of your home and marriage.

I love you and God loves you most.

Do share with me your success story and perhaps you will like to have a chat with me and discuss any issues, feel free to do so and we can together look for a workable solution.

Abiodun Mabadeje is my name.



Thursday, April 19, 2018

YOUR HUSBAND IS NOT GOD

In an ancient town, there lived a family that sought the face of God for the fruit of the womb. The desire to be called a mother weighed enormously on this woman that often times she was found crying. It is possible the husband did not feel the enormity of the situation like this woman because he had a second wife who already bore him children.

“The barren woman,” as she was spitefully referred to, on one occasion cried so much, held her husband by the collars of his shirt and demanded of him, “Give me children, or else I die.”

The husband, being a wise man, tactfully answered, “Am I in the place of God, who has withheld from you the fruit of the womb?”

You can read full account of this story in the Bible, Genesis 30.

This scenario shows how many women behave. A lot of women when they become married unwittingly begin to arrogate the role and responsibilities of God to their husbands. It is true that a man, the husband and father of the house has an overseeing and covering role to play, but that does not make him ‘God’.

“Give me children” as used in the story above could mean anything. 

It is important to know that your husband CANNOT supply all your needs, because he is not EL-Shaddai. Paul said, “My God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.”

Women need to learn how to trust and depend on God to have their needs met. Please don’t get me wrong. I am not talking about basic needs of life or at home. I am not advocating for men to become irresponsible and abdicate their responsibilities, rather I am saying that women should simply learn to look up to God. 

The same way God is your husband’s Saviour, He is your Saviour too.

There are women who believe that their husbands hold the key to their happiness and until he does certain things in certain ways they cannot be happy. Wrong!

Happiness is a choice. It should not be situation dependent. If you are not happy for example when there is no money that is a choice you made, just as you can choose to be or not be happy when there is money.

Thank you for taking time to read.

What do you think?

Do you have a different opinion or an observation?

Please leave your comments below.

Would you like to have a counseling session? Reach me through my contacts…

Abiodun Mabadeje (MSA)
Speaker/Author, Actor/Acting Instructor, Counselor/Minister, M.C, Publisher...
E-mail: abiodun.mabadeje@gmail.com

Wednesday, April 18, 2018

MONEY IS A SPIRIT - Family Finance

One of the things that cause arguments, disagreements and disaffection the most in families is money (or the lack of it as the case may be and in some cases, the abundance of it). 

To start with, let me state unequivocally that there are no hard and fast rules that guide how each or all families should manage their finances. What works in one family may not work in another.

It must also be said that the more money there is, the more the family can do. And from what I know personally, I can say the more the love EXPRESSED and EXPERIENCED. I believe you know who does the expressing of love when there is abundance of money to “THROW” around. #Winks

Be that as it may, let me state indisputably that this is not an attempt to tell couples “how” to manage their finances. It is only to show us that we can help each other and achieve more together if we imbibe basic tenets of understanding and cooperation. Hence, this is premised on simple consideration of present economic realities that the world is in, especially Nigeria and to also help entrench the Bible admonition of “The two shall become one flesh…”

Let us look at different family financial position scenarios:

i.              Husband works. Wife works. Husband makes enough money to meet all the family needs irrespective of what the wife earns. It is none of his business what she does with her money. (This is what most women like. #Winks)
ii.         Husband works. Wife works. Husband’s earning is not enough to meet all family needs. He requires wife to support. Some women find it difficult to agree with this. Such women believe it is the man’s responsibility to provide for the house and they quote scripture (A man who cannot provide for his household… bla bla bla…). Some agree, but are always lending the husband money. Anything they do for the family is seen as loan to the husband. Not as contribution to meet family needs. So the husband is always indebted to them.
iii.           Husband works. Wife works. Wife earns more than the husband. Yet she still does not think she should contribute to meet family needs. As far as she is concerned her money is her money. (And women generally hold this view)
iv.            Husband works. Wife does not work. His income is enough to meet all family needs and he doesn’t complain. No problem.
v.              Husband works. Wife does/does not work. His income is not enough to meet all family needs. He is always borrowing to survive and keep family going. Wife who works still does not feel obliged to support and contribute. To her, if he can die, let him die, he ‘sha’ must provide for the house. She knows the true situation of the man’s finances. Sometimes the reason he does not have enough is because salaries of up to 4 or 5 months are owed or business at this time is not moving, not because he is irresponsible. Not because he is not working and doing enough. It is just situation and circumstance. But the wife still is adamant and always giving him hell. Women here also hold the view that their money is their money and they can do anything with it.
vi.           Wife works. Husband does not work. Wife takes care of the family needs. She does not use that to disrespect him. No third party is aware of the situation. (Although this is not common, yet we must admit that it does exist).
vii.        Wife works. Husband does not work. She takes care of family needs, but she is always drumming it in his ears. Always telling him how he is useless as a man. The whole neighbours know that the man is depending on her. (This is not holding forth for lazy men. Just looking at the fact that there are times that situations may come up that may prevent a man from being able to earn an income for a season). This is not a situation any reasonable man would wish for.
 
We could go on and on with different scenarios…

What is the situation in your own family?

Let me burst your bubble. If you are a woman reading this and you are not in sync with your husband financially, especially if you are the type that believes the man is the one that must carry all the financial weight of the family/home, you are in error - a big error of commission!

How do I mean?

Have you ever come across the scripture or heard at least during a wedding ceremony, the scripture that says “And the two shall become one flesh…?” (Gen. 2:24, Mark 10:8). I bet you have.

Now let me ask you, what does it mean for ‘The two’ to become one flesh?

Are there areas of their lives where ‘The two’ can become one flesh and other areas where even God Himself does not intend for ‘The two’ to be one flesh?

Think about it.

I perceive that majority of people have erroneously concluded (And I also think somehow that is what people have been taught) that to become one flesh is ONLY in the area of SEX. ERROR!

And by extension, some choose other areas where they can be one flesh with their spouses and ignore other areas if it does not sooth or favour them.

Such it is when it comes to money. For most people, they don’t mind to be ‘ONE FLESH’ with you (the spouse) in any area of life and relationship, but when it comes to money it is a different ball game altogether. MONEY is truly a spirit.

Women are most culpable in this regard. Why did I assert so? Because they are the ones who will often say, “My money is my money and it is mine to keep, but your money (referring to the husband) is OUR money it is to be spent.”

This is the devil operating.

That is why no matter how much a woman has (admittedly, not all of them); she is always saying she does not have money even when the husband is choked to his neck under financial pressure.

But the truth is the economic realities of today do not and cannot allow women to continue to hold on to their position of my money is my money and your money is our money mentality and men must do everything at home. Times are changing. The paradigm has changed.

Take for example, a man who has been earning N100,000 for the past five years in a country like Nigeria. The truth is that that man is in deep trouble, because that money can no longer be used to meet the same level of needs it was meeting five years ago. It is simple mathematics. But you have women who just refuse to understand this.

Yes, I must say that men can no longer depend on only a single source of income whether as a businessman or salary earner, but while he’s working his butts off and doing his best, women should understand and contribute.

Many men are running away from home because of pressure. Some just withdraw into depression, while some others resort to putting their hands into what they are not supposed to – all sorts of vices just to be able to earn the respect of the women in their lives.

In the final analysis, my personal plea to any woman reading this is simple. Please note that men are groaning under so much pressure already trying to be men. The only thing we can ask of you is your understanding and cooperation; your unalloyed support. Please where you can make contribution kindly do so.

I admonish you as a woman to please become one flesh indeed with your man. This must include finances. I do not think God exempted money from the equation when He said, “And the two shall become one flesh…”

To your marital and family success…

Abiodun Mabadeje (MSA)
Speaker/Author, Actor/Acting Instructor, Counselor/Minister, M.C, Publisher...
E-mail: abiodun.mabadeje@gmail.com