Friday, July 13, 2018

WAR ZONE – The Family Angle

War as has been seen through the annals of history is not what any sane human being desires to see, wishes to have or prays to experience.

The aftermaths of war are usually devastating with a lot of casualties.
Almost every nation on earth (if not all) at one time or the other have had to swallow the bitter pills that engaging in wars have had to deal. 

Some nations come out of it stronger and better with of course a lot of commitment to see their fortunes turned around, but some other nations, especially on the African continent have not been able to do so and some will never be able to do so.

War in whatever form, size or shape is neither palatable nor desirable.

But think with me for a moment.

Imagine when our families now become WAR ZONES?

In recent times, families have been under siege from all forms of attacks. Some say these attacks are spiritual, while some others think they are just mere responses to natural dealings of man – man’s inhumanity to man you might say.

Wars within the family settings have degenerated to abysmal levels of husbands killings their wives and wives also snuffing life out of their husbands and they do this in the most dehumanizing way. Some cut off the genitals of their partners after killing them. Absolutely insane you’ll agree.

But how did we get here? What is going on? How can this tide be stem? How can the sanctity of life be restored to our families? What should be done to bring back love between husbands and their wives? 

These are nagging questions begging for answers as soon as possible before the whole family setting goes up in total flames.

Let me try and proffer a point or two that might help.

Why did you marry your partner? 

What did you see in him or her that made you say “I do”?

What were your expectations for that marriage (or relationship) in the first place?

How were you expecting them to be fulfilled?

All these expectations you have, do you think there fulfillment is the sole responsibility of your partner? (At least in the majority women mostly have tendency to think in this manner).

But what role do you think is yours in order to accomplish these expectations and achieve success in your marriage?

Where did it all start to go southward in your marriage? Can you trace it?
What role did you play in the southward trend? 

If your marriage/relationship is experiencing any discomfort at this moment, who is responsible?

Can this ugly trend be reversed?

How can it be reversed?

What can you do to reverse it if it is solely your responsibility to do so?

What is most important to you in this marriage, its success or failure?

That evil thought in your mind against your partner, why are you nursing it? 

Are you aware that if you went ahead to carry it out, even your own life can never remain the same again and it could be really devastating for you? You could go to jail.

If you have children, have you thought about the effects of this rampaging war on them economically, socially and even spiritually?

Why make your HOME A WAR ZONE when it can be a ZONE for PEACE?

Okay, enough of the questions.

What steps in the immediate can you take to begin the process of healing and reconciliation? (Alright, I know that is another question).

Have you thought of talking to a counselor or your spiritual mentor? (I thought I was about coming up with solutions? But these make sense now?)

Look at this one, will apologizing to your partner be an icebreaker, even if you are not the one at fault? (I know this is difficult for many people to do).


We don’t want to hear another story of death or any such bad news again, at least not from your family after reading through this.

I challenge you to do all within your capacity to ensure the success of your home and marriage.

I love you and God loves you most.

Do share with me your success story and perhaps you will like to have a chat with me and discuss any issues, feel free to do so and we can together look for a workable solution.

Abiodun Mabadeje is my name.